Rebecca broke up with me.

The only thing that is keeping me from breaking down entirely at the moment is that I have to go to work in about fourty five minutes, and I really don't want to try to explain to the women at work why I'm hysterical. Maybe if I was out it'd be another thing, but I can't pile the stress of coming out on top of a break up. And I don't want to try to explain this to my mom, either.

And I feel really stupid for being this upset. Wasn't I just saying on Sunday how I was being so practical, coming up with ways I was going to have to deal with this relationship at the end of the summer? Well, Rebecca solved that problem for me. But, like I said to Nicole today, I was really beginning to like her. And we had so much fun last Friday....

But apparantly she doesn't feel like our relationship was progressing beyond friendship. She really wants to be friends, and I'm cool with that but...give me a few days before I'm really ready to hang out with her.

Gah, I don't even know how to put how shitty I'm feeling right now into words. If I'm really feeling shitty at all. I'm kind of...blank at the moment. But shitty at the same time. And...blah.

I'm probably gonna go to the mall after work tonight and harass Britt at work and wander around with Jake. Tomorrow I'm gonna help Mrs. Skoglund (my 6th grade English teacher, the one responsible for my writing) tutor some of her students. From 9-12, earn 20 bucks. And then Jake and Nicole and...who knows who else are planning on going to Grandville. Now that I'll have money for gas I might join them. Or I may stay home 'cause if (as I'm sure he will be) Chris is gonna be there, I might be feeling just a little too bitter to see those two so happy. I mean, I've never felt awkward or left out around those two but...in the past I've always had a girlfriend waiting in the wings.

On Sunday I'll probably see them anyway. We're planning on doing Dungeons and Dragons on Sunday, provided April's ungrounded. But then I'll have a bunch of (okay, two other) single people with me (Britt and Nicole). Then we'll almost outnumber the happy couples.

~huge sigh~ Okay, I need to get ready for work. I want to go to the bank and get my paycheck cashed first. So then I'll have money to spend in the event that I end up at a mall this weekend.

I'm sure this entry has made absolutely no sense. My grasp of the english language has left me. Maybe when the news of my renewed single status is more than three hours old (yeah, she broke up with me over lunch time. I'm glad I'm practical enough that I didn't burst into tears or something. I wouldn't have been able to face the group after that. I don't think anyone picked up that I was really quiet and depressed the rest of the lunch period. So far I've only told Nicole, 'cause the rest of the time Rebecca was right there and that's not exactly something you announce to a whole group) I'll be able to have a decent angsty entry.

Bah.

--Angela

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