Woo hoo. Yeah. I disapeared for awhile, didn't I? But I have a reason! It may not be good, but I do.

I downloaded Trillian...awhile back. And every time I log on there, I get bombarded with conversations, and it's really hard to have a conversation with four people, and still write coherant thoughts in a diary. So I've just slacked off. But now Trillian dies every time I try to start it. What the hell?! How am I gonna talk to awesome people like Chris and Brad without MSN?! I don't want to download all the different programs....

Anyway. What's been going on the last few weeks?

No, Jen, I'm not dead. And yes, I saw 'Boston Public' on Monday. It was funny. Jake called me at 8:01 and asked for Rebecca. ~shakes head~ Insert your own joke here. Anyway, he told me that Boston Public was going to have some subplot about a gay student, so I quickly flipped over and started watching, even though I've never seen BP in my life. Unfortunately, it was a sad plot, since the gay student was beaten horribly. Which made the vice principal feel really guilty, so he wanted to start a GSA.

A second after the words are out of the guys' mouth, the phone's ringing and it's Jake. We spent the rest of the episode freaking out together.

'Cause, you see, it was a sign. On Tuesday we had our first official planning meeting for the GSA ('Cause last Friday we got our official approval from Nicolette!!! Eeeeeeeek!!!). Also on Monday night, I got an e-mail from Mrs. Dobrez saying the awesome book GEOGRAPHY CLUB was finally in. It's about this group of gay students who start a GSA, but under the pseudonym of 'Geography Club' so no one else will join, and there won't be a whole bunch of controversy. So far I'm the only one who's read the only thing (Jake's almost finished), but I loved it, Jake loves it, I'm sure the whole GSA will love it. It's sooooo awesome. And I think a lot of us will relate to many different parts of the book. The part I related to most was when the narrator realized that, aside from being gay, he had very little in common with his new friends. That's exactly what it's been like with a lot of the GSA folks. We've discovered common interests in the past few months, but in the beginning, our only common factor was we were gay and wanted to start a GSA (this was back in the day when we had, like, one straight member of the group, lol).

Um...can't organize thoughts...gah!

This coming Tuesday is our first GSA meeting. Eep!

Forensics started last week. I was elected co-captain of the team! It's so cool. It took 18 years, but I was finally elected to something. But that means I've had no life outside of forensics, really.

Jenny and I are still working on Independence. I love this scene. I relate to my character so much!!! Kess is Evelyn's lesbian daughter, and Evelyn really has no way to cope with the fact her daughter is gay. And Kess has this absolutely wonderful monologue:

Hey, you brought it up! I'm willing to tell you. I will tell you! Mom! I hated the woods. I hated the birds and trees and spiders and...and ticks. But when you're sixteen, and you want a lover - and it has to be a girl otherwise you wouldn't be in love - you have to become a YWCA counselor and go to the woods. And hope some other YWCA counselor is there for the same reason. And pray people don't find out about you and fire you because they think you want to sleep with eight-year-old campers or something. I spent three summers lying terrified in a pup tent for an affair that lasted two weeks with some counselor I didn't even like! Mom? I know you can hear me!

Today, Jake (who I recruited to the team), Nicole (ditto) and Marion came to watch Jenny and I in our semis round. Jake and Marion were near tears during that monologue. I was near tears. It was just so amazing.

And what critique do I get? "I don't know if this is appropriate for a high school setting."

Not appropriate?! One of the other duos in that round was about a married couple that wanted to have sex! In that particular round, I'd even accidentally dropped the lines about the affiar Kess had. There's was absolutely nothing objectionable there, except that I was talking about a teenage lesbian. I don't know if the guy was a complete homophobe, or if he's just one of those stupid idiots who hold gay people to a double standard of you can know you're straight as a kid, but it's impossible to make a decision about being gay until you're an adult. 'Cause when you're an adult you know so much. ~rolls eyes~

Everyone on the team is very pissed off. I love the forensics team this year. Several of them did MIFA as well, so they know all about the fact I'm gay, and Chris showed up for the last bit of the meet today and he and Jake were hanging all over each other and being extremely cute.

I love those two. Jake apologized on the bus for possibly making me uncomfortable, but I shrugged it off. See, he knows what it's like to be the third wheel, and at the moment that's what I seem to be whenever we get together with the Wyo. Park people. I don't know why. But I told him I didn't mind. Really.

Okay, maybe I do a little bit, but the people that should be apologizing are Rebecca's parents.

12 days until she's off her grounding.

Had some really good conversations with Jenny last night. I went over to her house after work Friday night (got there around 8:50) and didn't leave until 12:30. We worked on our piece for maybe an hour. Otherwise we were talking about characters, or I was answering some of her questions about starting the GSA, or we just talked about how my experiences as a lesbian had shaped my life and thus how i viewed the characters of Kess and Evelyn, since so many of the feelings in this piece mimic my relationship with my mom. I felt it was the most stimulating night of conversation I've had in my life.

Mom basically outted me to my dad the other night. ~freaks~ She and him were talking about my involvement in the GSA, and Mom told him to not be surprised if one day I told him I was a lesbian.

Eep.

Apparantly, Dad said nothing to this. And I don't know how to feel about that. Or this situation in general. I mean, I'm glad that my mom's not feeling so selfish anymore (her terms, not mine), since she's afraid that if I come out to Dad, he'll blame her or something, but still...it's weird that, for all intents and purposes, she outted me. I don't know what to do! And i haven't even really seen my dad since that conversation, and that was Thursday night.

Yeah. My week's been really bad. I've done nothing except forensics, Dutch Dance and work. It's awful.

Well, I've done quite a bit of reading as well. Read the absolutely wonderful CUBA 15. It's mostly about this girl who's preparing for her Quincenaro, but along the way she's also in speech competition! It was so cool to read those scenes, 'cause they were so correct. All the work that's needed, how you start referring to people only by their piece name, stuff like that. The only mistake I saw was the quote "The tournament is running ahead of schedule." I'm sorry. That doesn't happen. Today, my third round started 50 minutes late. Essentially we started when we were *supposed* to be finishing. We finished when the semi-final round was supposed to start. It was ridiculous!

Anyway, also in CUBA 15, one of the girls was reading Empress!!! The author of this book is in a writing group with Sara Ryan, so this was her acknowledgement. It was so cool!

After forensics tonight was the MIFA cast party. Chris and Brad were there. And again with the slight third wheel feeling, but there were more people to distract me this time. Lyndon and I were forced to do 'Whittling' 'cause Mrs. Vincent absolutely adores that song for some reason. And of course Chris and Brad hadn't seen the whole thing in forever. But now there is video footage of that silly dance. Chris is planning on getting a copy and distributing it on the internet, labelled as 'Hot Whittling Action'. ~shakes head~ I love Chris, I really do, but he's quite a character.

Like we played Guesstures tonight. Jake and Chris had been snuggled all close together on the couch (it was really adorable, like I've said). Chris got up to take his turn (which meant Jake had to stand), but then decided he's wait, so he sat back down next to me while Jake went. So Chris and I cuddled together to make Jake jealous, lol. With lots of suggestive dialogue, 'cause that's the kind of guy Chris is. Which was weird for me, but, I'm an actor! I'll live.

Oh my god, then we played 'Catch Phrase'. Best damn game on the planet. And I'm really good at it. Seriously. People would say just a few random words, and I'd be able to guess. Like, Travis had the word 'Peace'. He said 'We want...' and I jumped in with the correct answer. People would be saying things hardly related to the word and I'd get it! All that reading has paid off I suppose ~grin~ Though there was some really weird stuff on there. Like, how am I supposed to describe a jogbra to a group that is predominantly male? I skipped that phrase. I was just like "...No." And moved on.

But now my voice is gone. I've been struggling all day with it. It's now to the point where I practically want to cry every time I swallow, which is a step up from wanting to throw up every time I swallow (thought I was going to do that on the bus home and during Guestures).

And I need to get up at 7:30 today to do makeup for people at my parent's church since they're doing a preview of the play for the congregation today. I've already made it very clear that I'm going to go there, do the make up, and then come home, 'cause there's no way I'm sticking around if I don't have to. Besides, I'm really freakin' tired. I haven't had any down time at home this week. Everything's been 'rush, rush, rush.' I mean, I had my parents tape 'Voyager' for me on Thursday night (we got a station that carries it! Ahh!) and I haven't had an hour at home in which to watch it.

So now I'm going to bed. Thank god I don't have homework I need to finish up tomorrow. Tomorrow is my official relaxation day. I'm gonna watch Voyager, watch Sports Night DVDs, and read. Oh, and sleep.

Sleep sounds very good right now.

I don't spit I....

--Angela

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