So why do I feel so...blah?

Sunday night I did indeed go to the funeral visitation. Man, it was weird. I didn't know anyone there except the crew from HCT that turned up. And, because we're a group of fun-loving theatre people, we kept talking and laughing and then looking around embarrassedly, thinking we really shouldn't be laughing.... Jo was incredibly touched that we showed up. She didn't think we would. But when I heard about the visitation...my first thought was "I have to go."

Apparently, this makes me an incredibly mature adult. My dad, apparently, only goes to visitation and/or funerals if my mom drags him. And I just used 'apparently' twice in one paragraph. Make that three times.

Yes, I start getting too serious and I make glib remarks.

Anyway...Monday. What happened Monday? Nothing of note.

Today. Not much. Rehearsal was cancelled, so we all got to go to the GSA meeting (though apparently that, out of the three members of both the GSA and the play who aren't someplace incredibly warm like Vegas, I'm the only one who remembered. Probably because I was getting food for the GSA from my locker when I heard the announcement). Then Nicole, Jake, Cameron (8th grader we know from BBYA and has since joined the GSA) and I ran over to Harbor Lights for about ten seconds of the BBYA meeting, lol. And then we loitered around HL for about an hour. Had some...interesting experiences. That's all I care to comment on.

But speaking of...had my first experience with an anti-gay remark directed at me...yesterday, actually. I was walking towards the Panther Empourium with Rebecca to hand out fliers (I knew I should have waited for John to pick up his bag before taking off without him, and leaving me alone with Rebecca) and this group of guys was walking in the other direction. As we passed, they said something about somebody being a dyke. Yes, they really said somebody, it wasn't a case of me missing a name or something. I stopped for a second and looked back at them as they kept walking, and one of them (presumably the speaker) was looking directly at me. Glaring, actually. I was, for perhaps the first time in my life, stunned absolutely silent. Rebecca had to get me moving again.

But, god...I think I was almost scared by those assholes. For the first time since I've come out, I was actually scared of someone's reaction to my sexuality. And that, more than anything those guys could say, pisses me off. I now have even more reasons to fight for the GSA. I'm getting out of that school in 30 days; most of my friends are not. And none of my friends (not even Rebecca) need to be hearing that kind of shit.

And now I should be writing a paper for humanities, but no one will elave me alone long enough. I'm about ready to have a break down here, between homework and college crap piling up on me. Gaaaah...I need Spring Break. I need it now. Or at least permission to skip first hour tomorrow. But no, I need to go support Jake and his bid for Secretary of Student Senate.

So since I know I'm not gonna get any work done on my paper, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to go find out how much tickets are to see RENT at the Frauenthal on April 8, and then start plotting when and who is getting together over Spring Break. A bunch of us want to have essentailly continuous movie "nights," but we also want to get together with the GSA group as a whole to just hang out. Cameron also wants to hang out with us, and I'm all for that for part of break, but if he starts showing up at everything, I think I'll freak out. He's an all right guy, but just has one of those personalities that I get sick of after, oh, about an hour. And anybody who can accidentally let the word "lesbos" slip goes down several notches in my book.

Yes, the kid seriously said that today. And I thought I was gonna have to kill him. His excuse was that he'd forgotten he can drop the straight act now but...what kind of straight person that I'd want to associate with uses that term? I mean, that's not even a term that's acceptable among lesbians (queer and dyke are allowed under special circumstances).

so it's been a crazy week. Thank god it's already half over. I can't wait until Friday. The group's getting together then and I get to go over to Mrs. Rutan's to find out what the deal is with the housesitting thing.

So femme I'm butch.

--Angela

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